People who live in glass houses …………

I have been doing some research on domestic violence laws,  relationship laws and age of consent in Canada and I have had some real eye openers!

I know we all have so many causes to fight for these days and often some pretty harsh realties get lost in our fights but is that any reason to be unschooled  in what shapes our country in the present and future?

We think we are so far ahead in Canada and we have so much freedom, which we do but there are still so many laws in place that prevent women young and old from gaining equality.

Here are some examples of laws that were and how they have changed in my lifetime. You make the judgement if its a giant step forward.

In 1890 the age of consent was changed from twelve to fourteen years old so up to that time there was a period of time when the age a child would be considered to give consent for any sexual activity would be twelve.

In 2008 the then Prime Minster, Harper raised the age of consent to sixteen with the close in age exception which states that twelve to fourteen year olds could have sex with someone two years older than them and fourteen and fifteen year olds can  have sex with people who are five years older with the exceptions of course of people in authority and relatives. It also states that children under twelve years of age can never legally consent to sexual activity and there are exceptions to the law of whet you can’t do before the age of eighteen and they are  The other person has a relationship of trust or authority over them, or they are dependent on that person. People in positions of trust or authority include, for example, a teacher, coach, babysitter, family member, minister or doctor; it involves exploitative activity, such as prostitution or pornography; they are paid, or offered payment, for sex  and  if there is anal sex (unless they are a legally married couple).

So it took one hundred and eighteen years to come this far and is it really all that much further?, sure I’m  glad to know my twelve year old granddaughters can’t give consent to have sex but I’m hoping their parents are making sure of that but now  what about children that are fourteen and think they are eighteen if it benefits them. Who is looking after them? Who is making sure that they are not having sex with a nineteen year old or a fifteen year old having sex with a twenty year old? It that really so much better. You cannot be consider an adult to sign a contract unless you are eighteen but you can give consent for sex

Why are we so content to live quietly in a country where it takes a government one hundred and eighteen years to change a law that was perverted and immoral.

Then there are the laws that affect women who are victims or survivors of domestic violence . Here are some examples of them, lets see how far or how long it took for changes. Lets start with this one:

In 1983 the law was changed making sexually assaulting your wife a crime before that law a wife was legally considered to be the property of her husband! So when that law came into affect I was twenty five years old and had been married in Newfoundland for over nine years. I had given birth to three children, been severely physically and sexually abused by my husband, been through the devastation of a stillborn, an hysterectomy, all over a period of nine years and three months.

I didn’t even know about this law but now when I think about the community where all this took place and I wondered when I screamed and ran from my house crying, battered and beaten and pleading for someone to help me, no one helped me, now I know why!

Previous before the 1980’s arrest wasn’t mandatory or charges laid by the police when a wife called them for being beaten, all that burden was on the wife and back then a husband would only be charged with assault and probably didn’t even get jail time. It took until the early 1980s for the No-Drop law to come in affect making impossible for the woman or spouse to drop charges and even to this day not much is done unless someone dies.

Please don’t get me wrong  I’m glad those changes came but why did it take so long? Can we expect it to take that long again for changes to come?

I walked away from the place I had lived and been abused for twenty eight years with a garbage bag with a few items of clothes and sixty dollars I had stole from my grown son and I had been abused, brain washed, tortured beyond belief and yet I was expected to follow the law of having two years to heal from that and decide if I wanted to fight for any properties or compensation for all my injuries. I had left my abuser and still calling him seeking his approval for my choices in the first two years after I left! The laws are appalling!!!

According to canadianwomen.org;

In Canada seven point four  billion dollars is paid from tax payers monies just for the aftercare of  domestic violence victims.

Sixty seven percent of Canadians know at least one woman who have suffered physical or sexual abuse

Twenty six percent of women who are murdered by abusers had already left

Sixty four percent of battered women exhibits symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

So with all that I raise these questions; Why are we just concerned about other countries laws and rituals when we are in so much trouble in our own. I never had a daughter because she was the stillborn I suffered but I would be a little scared to hand her this country that moves so slowly when it comes to doing what is right.

We celebrate Canada being one hundred and fifty years old on July the first and I am proud of my country but we need to keep fighting for what is right and be more informed on what we have and what we need. It’s nice to help feed the hungry in other countries and march for the freedoms of women in the Middle East but don’t forget about us.

 

 

Express Yourself!

You know you need an attitude adjustment when you look down at your keyboard and in all the available writing spaces on it you see “life sucks then you die”,  #wtf,  #fml,  fuck you! and a head (my head) with a knife sticking out and blood coming from it!!! I thought Holy Christ in a one piece romper, what is wrong with you and what were you struggling with when you put that there?

Anyways my keyboard is cleaned up and here is a more relaxing healthier peek into what my life has been like most of the time since my last post.

My pain is a little less and some nights I actually sleep.

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Some people have everything, and other people don’t.
But everything don’t mean a thing if it ain´t the thing you want.

Express Yourself!
Express Yourself!

Written by Charles W. Wright •

 

What if …cont’d

What if I told you that I was professionally diagnosed with all my symptoms and it really pisses me off that you people who are having a bad month and wants pity will self diagnose yourself with depression, anxiety disorder and even PTSD?

Do you really think that its great having those illnesses and it makes you look cool? Ask someone who was diagnosed by a doctor to have these illnesses if they feel cool or want pity.

What if I told you it hurt me and insulted me every time you say I’m so depressed when all you are feeling is down over something that happen?.

What if I told you about a day when my depression is at its worst and how my day would go, would you even care?

My day begins when I awake at 4am with a million thoughts consuming my mind and still tired because I didn’t really get any sleep except for a few times my sleeping pill left me to choice but to pass out. So I get up so I won’t wake my husband and toss and turn in the guest room for two or three hours until my husband gets up to go to work.

Then I go back to my bed and watch the news or check out Facebook until 11am. Then I will get up with my PJs on and wash my face and go out into the living room and close all the blinds my husband had opened before he left for work and sit until I am forced by the dropping of my glucose to get something to eat. I will go back to bed several times that day and get a bath where I lay there on really bad days and like I said before think about being dead. I don’t think about killing myself all the time mostly just the thought in my head how death wouldn’t be so bad.

Shortly before my husband gets home I will try to look as nice as anyone can with PJs still on at 4pm, sometimes I will open the blinds again and prepare a meal.

On these days when I am feeling at my worst my husband will usually come home with some take out food and we will eat and then go lay on the bed where I will put my head on his shoulder and he will tell me about his days and I will tell him about mine and then he will tell me all the reasons why he loves me and how I am the most wonderful person alive because I will say “tell me baby”.  He will tell me how sorry he is that I have to live with pain and depression and I will tell him how being with him makes me fight everyday of my life so I can have more good days than bad and give back to him when he’s in need of comfort and encouragement.

What if I told you that was my depression

post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, blah blah blah ……. What if?

Yes I have been diagnosed with all of the above and yes I suffer with it every day of my life but you don’t really want to hear that do you?

You would rather I didn’t talk about it and the reason I am like what I am because that way you wouldn’t have to think about it or show me any compassion. You would rather I didn’t embarrass everyone by acting like someone who has a mental illness and just say I am in pain so therefore I get down sometimes.

How would it make you feel if I told you the reason I am like I am and have a mental illness is because I was psychically and mentally abused for over thirty years?

What if I told you that P.T.S.D means this; Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)  a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event either experiencing it or witnessing it?

What if I reminded you that I live with chronic pain every day of my life now and just three minutes before the photo below was taken, I lay in the tub and thought about suicide

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What if I told you that last week I thought about suicide too  and played out the scenario in my mind of how me being gone would affect certain people?

What if I told you I don’t  want to die and neither do most of the people that have considered or already taken their life?. What if I told you what we want is understanding and extra care in a world that have treated us with such cruelty? We don’t need to hear “oh it happen years ago your safe now so be happy” or to be told that we are just seeking attention. You may not be able to save everyone not even half but.

What if ?